


A lifelong wait for a hospital stay

by Glaurenmjenn



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorder, Gen, Suicide Attempt, Therapy, psychiatric hospital
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:16:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23300719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glaurenmjenn/pseuds/Glaurenmjenn
Summary: Mikey has been at halos psychiatric hospital for 3months after Gerard, his brother, had taken him there. Will Mikey appreciate his brother for making sure he was safe ?
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

*3 months ago*  
Mikey was sat in his en-suite bathroom, even though he was 19 he still lived with his parents as he had no job and no other place to live, however his parents where not in the house at this moment as they where away from their anniversary for a few days which left Mikey by himself with Gerard, his brother, going to see him every morning and every night to make sure he was okay. Gerard was told to do this by his parents as Mikey had been diagnosed with depression, suicidal tendencies and anxiety at the age of 13 after Donna walked in on him cutting deeply into his wrist, and then he was diagnosed with anorexia at age 15 when he passed out at school and taken to the hospital where the doctors siad that he was so malnourished that caused him to faint. Mikey got so much worse over the next 2 years and by time he turned 17 his father took him back to the hospital where the doctors sent Mikey for a psychiatric evaluation, and then was told he needed to see a therapist and they'd go from there, however he refused any sort of therapy treatment but accepted pills and later that year when he turned 18 his therapist spoke to his psychiatrist and parents about prescribing him medication. They all agreed and he's been on Zoloft and Ativan since. However if Mikey wasn't receiving regular therapy his eating disorder would never get better, and neither would his depression or anxiety as the pills can only do so much to help. Mikey lay on his bathroom floor with a blade in his hand pressing against his opposite wrist, he noticed the ticking clock on the wall and he squinted his eyes to see that it was just past 4am, he saw the orange bottles shining in the moon light and a bottle of vodka under the sink, he reached up and grabbed both bottles of pills and the bottle of vodka and drowned himself in his pills and vodka. When he next looked up at the clock on the wall he noticed that it was almost 7am, he cursed under his breath because Gerard would be here in an hour or so he tried to stand himself up but as soon as he did he collapsed straight back down and hit his head on the sink, when he hit the floor he vomited from the pills and vodka, and fell unconscious.

Around 8am Gerard arrived at his parents house to check up on Mikey, however he found it unusual when his brother didn't open the door after he had already knocked twice, Gerard hurriedly got out the key to his parents house from his pocket and opened the door he shouted for Mikey but was met with silence, he raced up the stairs and into his brothers bedroom to see it vacant but noticed his bathroom door cracked open and saw a shadow, he suspected that it was his brothers shadow. He make his was hastily into the bathroom to see his brother lying in a pool of his own blood and vomit, he bent down to check his pulse however it was barley there, pulling out his phone and dialling 911 and telling the operator the location and situation, an ambulance was soon on its way. As Gerard heard sirens nearing towards the house he sped down the stairs and led the EMTs into the bathroom where his brother lay, they quickly put Mikey on stretcher and rushed him down the stairs and into the back of the ambulance, one the EMTs asked Gerard if he wanted to come with them and he did not hesitate to jump inside the vehicle. The ambulance raced down the streets, the EMTs where working on keeping Mikey live, they gave him temporary stitches in his arms to try and stop the continuous bleeding and an oxygen mask to help his lungs, they also put a heart monitor on his chest so they could monitor his heart rate it was already slow as it was, but during the midpoint of the ride the heart line went flat and Gerard started panicking about losing his only brother, however one of the EMTs pushed Gerard outta the way and began CPR on Mikey to try and get his heart beating again, after 25 minutes of crying from Gerard and panicking from EMTs Mikey's heart finally started and the heart monitor started beeping at a regular pace with made Gerard sigh in relief.

As soon as they got to the hospital Mikey was rushed into the ICU and Gerard was told nothing but to sit in the waiting room. After a couple hours of waiting for a doctor to update him on his brother condition, a doctor he now knew as Dr Peter Wentz called Gerard into his office and he shakily walked behind the doctor and eventually sat down in the chair opposite the desk. Pete sat down as-well and said they are transferring Mikey to halos psychiatric hospital a few towns aways and they needed his consent and their parents where away Gerard was in charge of what happens to his younger brother, he agreed and the next morning Mikey was transferred without warning...


	2. Chapter 2

Mikey POV:  
Day 100. I've been in the absolute nightmare for 100 days, just over 3 months all because my brother and the doctors think I'm a high risk to myself and others however that is total bullshit. It's my body and I should be allowed to do what I wish with it. There is so many rules in the goddam place that are pathetic for example if you resist medication they'll put you in isolation as they deem that refusing medication is a form of self harm, or if you do not finish all the food on your plate for every meal they'll give you the NG tube.

"Micheal it's time for breakfast ca'mon" my main day nurse, Ms Williams, spoke to me through my bedroom door. I ignored her and continued to look up at the ceiling, I heard the door creek open and then felt a warm hand on my arm, "you know you've got to come, just try to eat something even if it's just the apple okay?" I shooed her out the room and got dressed into my jogger, baggy hoodie and converse and then walked out of my room, the nurse smiled at me as I opened the door and followed her to the hospital cafeteria I knew oh so well. She led me over to a table and told me she'd be back with my tray, I fucking hated this place how everyone treats me like I'm 12 when I fucking 19. I looked around the cafeteria to see my therapist on one side of the wall by my table and my psychiatrist at the other and a security guard in between, shit, they would all be making sure I eat there is no getting out of this one without a tough fight I didn't have the energy for.

Nurse Williams brought me my tray with my breakfast on it, which consisted on foods that my nutritionist had planned out, on the tray I had a red apple ( even though I tell my nutritionist that I hate red and will only eat green ones but he refused to change it) a piece of toast which was covered in greasy butter and it was dripping all over the plate, a full fat yoghurt which made me feel even more sick, a small bowl of cereal with a cup milk, and finally a full sugar fresh glass of orange juice. I sat there analysing it for a good 10 minutes when Nurse William leaned in and whispered "just try Micheal please, one bite is all I'm asking you to do" but god that was easier said than done. I couldn't do this, I felt bile rise up in my throat and I darted out of the cafeteria and into the nearest bathroom, not having time to even push the door closed, I leaned over the toilet and puked all the bile I could while gagging as i tried to regain my breath. I felt someone crouch down beside me and help me to my feet and I was taken to another room.

When I realised where I was I panicked and my fat arms struggled against the person holding me, but I finally calmed down and was able to sit on the hospital bed and I noticed my nutritionist, Patrick Stump, my therapist, Joe Trohman and finally my psychiatrist, Andy Hurley. All staring at me with concern etched on their faces, Dr Stump was the first to come towards me and speak, "Micheal, you need to eat food is there anything you would eat and if so tell me and I can see if it's fit for your needs" I shook my head because I knew he'd say no to the green apple he always does, Dr Stump walked away back to his original standing position and Dr Hurley spoke up next and in a more serious tone than normal. "Micheal you know what needs to happen now right?" He asked me even though he knew that I knew what was going to happen, so with a nod of my head Dr Hurley reached for his pager and alerted for Nurse Williams, i started to shake and shiver and I felt a hand on my leg to stop if from bouncing "Micheal look at me, your having an anxiety attack and you need to try to calm down okay?". Bullshit this isn't an anxiety attack this is just me excessively worrying for no reason, everyone worries sometime in their life so why when I worry is it a big deal, I calmed down rather quickly and Nurse Williams started to get the NG tube ready for her to insert it into my nose through to my stomach, I started to thrash around as I do not need that thing to fed me.

Dr Trohman came over to hold me in place trying not to hurt me, "Mikey, your okay, it'll be over before you know it" he spoke, Dr Trohman is the only doctor in this place that calls me by my preferred name, and I'm highly grateful for the respect he shows so in return I try to give him the most upright respect, I stopped thrashing in Dr Trohman's arms and tried to relax. "Alright can you tilt your head back just while I insert it and then sit upright and drink this glass of water while I lead it through" Nurse Williams spoke softly, however I did not need to be told for the millionth time about what to do when this happens. I tiled my head back and began to gag as the tube hit the back of my throat and onto my gag reflexes, Dr Trohman helped me to sit upright and handed me the glass of water and gestures for me to drink it, I tried to drink it without it coming back up. Finally the tube was placed into my stomach and then taped to the side is my check, "Micheal you are not to pull this one out okay, if you do there will be serious consequences this time, understood?" I nodded my head slowly and stood to my feet about to head for the door when Dr Trohman reminded me that we had a session today, I looked towards the clock on the walk and sighed as I noticed it was 10:45am and my appointment with him was at 11:00am so I reluctantly nodded and he gestured for me to follow him to his office. 

When we reached his office he unlocked the door and told me to go first so I did and took a seat on my usual chair, Dr Trohman walked in and shut the door behind him as he began to shuffle through his many patient files on his desk once he'd found the one he had been looking for, mine, he sat down behind his desk and grabbed a pen. He finally looked up at me "Mikey, we have a lot to discuss today and I know you probably don't want to however we need to speak about these issues you have right now" he sounded more serious than normal which made me slightly scared of him. I looked down at the floor purposely ignoring him, "Micheal" shit he's defiantly annoyed now as he never would dare to call me by my full first name. This caught my attention so I looked up. 

"First, what goes on in your mind when you sit down in the cafeteria, and why does it stop you from eating?" He spoke, I knew i'd have to cooperate but to be honest I couldn't care right now all I need was to feel something cold against my wrist slicing it open but no I'm stuck here in my therapist office where I don't even need to be because I'm fine.  
"Micheal, speak to me?" I made no effort to reply even to him using my full name and there is no way I'm telling him about my 'issues' he said I have when I believe there is no issues at all. I heard him sigh and stand up he walked over to the phone on the wall and dialled a number, "Hey Andy do you have a minute I seem to have an uncooperative patient of yours" I heard mumbling from the other side of the phone "Thanks I'll see you in a minute" Dr Trohman said back and put the phone back on the wall, running a hand through his hair and then sitting back down opposite me. I stared at him with confused he noticed this and said "if you're not going to speak to me then you can speak to Dr Hurley, I'm sure you'll enjoy that" I rolled my eyes and ignored him.

Shortly there was a knock at the door and they walked in and it most certainly was Dr Hurley just like my therapist said, "Micheal?" I stared at him "come here please" I complied and walked out the door with him. He led me down a corridor and into his office, fuck, I wanted to run well at least the voices where telling me to run so that's exactly what I did, I sped off down the hall way with Dr Hurley shouting my name however I just kept on running.  
I rushed into my bathroom which was connected to my bedroom and locked the door, I do not care if it was against health and safety rules, looking under the sink I found my blade still attached with tape  
I ripped it off and cut deeply into my wrist. 

"Micheal open this door right now" I heard Dr Hurley say however I ignored and added more pressure onto my wrist, someone jiggled the door knob to attempt to get in but it didn't work. "Joe alert a guard and get them up here they'll have a spare key quick" footsteps sped down the corridor outside and eventually another voice was heard and a key was twisting the lock, the door swung open and hit my powerfully. Almost immediately, there was three people standing over me, Dr Hurley, Dr Trohman and an intimidating guard. When they saw my wrist they called for an emergency team and soon i was placed on a gurney and was rushed down some corridors, flashing lights, screaming and doctors faces. I begun to feel tired so I started to close my eyes however when someone noticed they came rushed over and spoke to me "try keep them eyes open okay Mikey, it could be dangerous if you don't"  
I recognised the voice as Dr Trohman as he only calls me Mikey and non of the other doctors would so I fought to stay awake while I felt stabbing in my arm I tried to pull it away but someone held it in place, "don't move Micheal let us stitch you up first" I tried to remain still but it hurt. "Alright all done" an emergency nurse spoke to me I managed to nod my head.


	3. Chapter 3

Mikey POV:   
When I woke up the sun was setting, I looked around my room and noticed my door was left wide open. I tried to get up however something stopped me, I begun to panic when I saw restrains around my wrists which where rubbing against my cuts which hurt like a motherfucker. I lay in silence until I heard a knock at the door and it opened revealing Dr Trohman. "Glad to see your awake Mikey, dinner has just started so I'm here to take you to the cafeteria, however I need to know if your safe enough to let me take the restrains off so do you promise not to hurt yourself or anyone else?" He spoke softly and I nod my head and soon heard the keys that he had pulled out of his pocket, he walked towards me and started to take them off which relived pain from my wrists. Once they were off he took my down to the cafeteria.

I sat down at my table and soon was greeted by Dr Stump and Nurse Williams who was carrying my tray of food, they both sat down next to me and started to speak "Micheal Me, Dr Hurley and Dr Trohman are really concerned about your weight and you pulled out your NG tube I see, so we came to an agreement that if you eat half of this dinner then we will see how you get on with eating daily however if you cannot eat half this meal your body will shut down and kill you and us as doctors cannot let that happen so as you keep pulling your NG tubes out we will have to give you the PEG surgery. Do you understand all that?" I nodded my head even though I was petrified of having the PEG surgery. Nurse Williams started to rub my arm as she could obviously see me shaking eventually I looked down at my meal that Dr Stump had requested for me, it consisted of a medium chicken breast, mashed sweet potatoes, carrots, peas, pot of gravy on the side and chocolate chip cookie on a separate plate. I felt sick to my stomach but I had to eat half however I continued to stare at the plate not making a move to pick up my knife and fork. I felt a hand rub my back and then a soft voice came "Mikey, how about you come into my office and eat so you don't get anxious around all the people in here, in my office you can take up to ninety minutes to eat half of your meal without thinking your being judged, how does that sound?" Dr Trohman always tried to make me as comfortable as possible, I nodded my head and stood up but soon as I did I fell to the fall but Dr Trohman helped me up, "hey bud be careful alright" he said and guided me towards his office while Dr Stump followed carrying my meal. 

Eventually we reached his office and he let me in and then turned around to Dr Stump and whispered "I'll try my best to get him to eat something but I can't promise he will, also could you report this to Andy please, I'll see you later to update you bye" and with that Dr Stump left and Dr Trohman shut the door, he sat in his desk chair and didn't say anything. I looked up and murmured "Dr Trohman I-I I don't k-know if I can do thissss..." i begun to feel tears fall down my face. Dr Trohman looked up and saw my tears and walked over to me "hey shush shush Mikey it's going to be okay and if you can't eat half and have to have the PEG surgery then don't worry about it alright." "Bu-ut I don't want the-e surgery, I'm sc-cared please don't make me get it I beg you" I wail to him. "Mikey listen to me alright, if you try to eat half but can't, at least you tried, don't worry about the surgery mikey that'll be fine, you may feel sore when u wake up but that's it, however let's not think about that as you may not need it okay" I nodded weakly and picked up my fork and gathered some of the peas and hesitantly brought the fork to my mouth and put the peas in my mouth, after a few minutes of chewing i eventually swallow then. I continue to do this until all the peas have gone from my plate and into my stomach, "Mikey I don't want you to rush but I'm just saying that you've got thirty minutes left to eat at least half of everything else" I whimper "you don't have to eat any of the carrots if you don't want to because you've eaten all the peas but everything else needs half gone" I picked up my knife and cut the chicken into pieces and slowly brought them to my mouth counting the calories as I did however Dr Trohman noticed this somehow and spoke "Don't panic about the calories, it's the amount that you need to function on okay, just chew and swallow" and I did just that and eventually half the chicken was gone. "Mikey you have fifteen minutes to eat half the sweet potatoes and half the cookie, just try alright" his voice was soft and gentle which encouraged me to eat half the potatoes in just over ten minutes, "well done Mikey now just half the cookie can you do that?" I didn't respond but I did pick up the cookie and break it in half and slowly nibbled it until a knock at the door startled me, Dr Hurley walked in and went over to Dr Trohman and said harshly "Joe times up, has he finished" "He's just finishing that half of the cookie, so it's fine" Dr Trohman spoke in his soft voice, "what about his carrots it looks like he hasn't even touched them" " well he ate all the peas so I let him off with the carrots" "That is unacceptable Joe, carrots have different vitamins and nutrients to peas, I'm going to get Patrick" and then Dr Hurley storms out of the office, I start to cry "hey hey don't worry just focus on finishing that half of the cookie and I'll sort the rest out" he reassured me, so I finally finish the cookie and then Dr Hurley comes back in looking angry while Dr Stump who is behind him looks understanding. 

"Firstly, I am so proud of you and you should be proud of yourself Mikey because you've done amazing, secondly Joe I know he ate all the peas however carrots are part of his meal plan so please don't let him not eat something just because he ate something else understood, thirdly Mikey this does mean you don't have to have the PEG surgery which is better for you and finally Andy it isn't your position to get Angry, I know your his psychiatrist and the main person in charge on his care but you can't get angry at him or Joe, he ate half of everything else so you should be so proud of how far he has come since he's been here." Dr Stump finished his speech and exited the room taking my tray with him, Andy left to type this on my file, so that left Dr Trohman with me, "I'm super proud of you Mikey and you should be proud of yourself, let me take you back to your room it's just past eight pm" I nodded and sleepily walked along side him.


	4. Chapter 4

Mikeys POV:  
3:45am read the clock high up on my wall, I couldn't sleep I've been too fucking angry at myself for actually eating the food the more I think about it the more I want to be sick. Hours through the dark night regretting my decision and wanting to die or even to see blood trickle down my arm however in this fucking looney-bin i can't do either of them things, but what I can do is refuse to eat and ignore the doctors because they don't know shit about me. 

After a few more hours of self-hatred there's a knock on my door and it opens revealing Nurse Williams, I really wish she'd fuck off, "breakfast Micheal" I rolled over ignoring her "Micheal come on" again she earned no response from me, "would you like me to bring your breakfast in here?" She asked but I didn't respond, I heard her sigh and leave however soon later she was back with my tray of food, "are you going to eat ?" She questioned but still no reply from me. "Would you like me to get Doctor Stump" this got my attention and I screamed at her telling her to get out of my fucking room but not long after Dr Hurley arrived, "Micheal I've been told your ignoring staff and not eating breakfast, why is this?" I flipped him off, "Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Room." I growled at him and he seemed threatened so he tired a different approach, "Micheal don't use that language please, would you tell Dr Trohman why your ignoring staff and not bothering to eat?" Right he had pushed me to the edge so I got out of my bed slammed Dr Hurleys head into the wall and ran out my room and down to the entrance hall, and sprinted though the doors. 

A couple hours later I found myself on the motor way bridge pacing up and down, I had not long walked past a electronic shop with many TVs in playing the news, which stated that an extremely mentally ill patient had escaped the institution alongside a picture of me, I grasped the hand rail tightly turning my knuckles white the amount of vehicles that's drove past me and not one of them cared that I was standing at the edge of the bridge, after pacing the bridge a few times I heard sirens coming my way when I could see the vehicles it was three police cars and an ambulance, I'd been found, the cars stopped and two Officers jumped out and tried to slowly approach me. "Back the fuck off, I  
don't need help from anyone or anything so fuck off!" And with that I ran towards the rail but before I got the opportunity to jump two hands grabbed my arms. I screamed and screamed for them to let me go but they wouldn't eventually the ambulance team gave me some Ativan and I calmed down against my will and then the officer who 'saved' me spoke, "hey kid your alright okay, I'm Officer iero, let's take you to a safe place and talk about this okay" I couldn't do anything except be dragged to the police car.

When we had arrived at the police station my parents, Gerard and Dr Trohman had been called, I was currently sat in a nice office with a comfy couch with Officer iero sat before me trying to ask me questions, but I tried to ignore him but it didn't work, "What your name kid" he asked "Micheal but I hate that name however everyone apart from Dr Trohman insists on calling me Micheal" "so what do you want to be called" "Mikey" after our small interaction silence took over, and the other Officer came into the office "Iero, Ways family and someone who claims to be his therapist, a Dr Trohman, is here" "yeh okay Toro we'll be out in a minute" and with that Officer Toro left, "okay Mikey I want to speak to your parents and therapist for a bit while you just stay with your brother, is that okay" I nod my head and we walked out of the office. When I saw my family they were in tears but Dr Trohman didn't seem phased by what had happened, I walked toward my therapist with tears now going down my face and said I was sorry and that I didn't mean to escape and he just wiped the tears from my eyes and told me to not worry about what had happened and offered me a hug which I accepted, I felt safe in his embrace however Officer iero soon called him over making him leave the warm embrace, and Gerard made his way over to me "you alright bud?" He asked and I just nodded but didn't speak because right now I didn't want to speak to anyone about anything. "I heard Dr Trohman speaking to our parents about a high security ward in California but it won't be that bad remember how you've always wanted to go California, if you do have to go don't stress over it your going to be okay" I whimpered and started crying, however Gerard just hugged me tighter and soon Officer iero came back towards us with my parents and my therapist, "Mikey can I speak to you please" Dr Trohman asked gently and I nodded and followed him to the office and he closed the door behind himself, he sat down and tried to speak to me about how I wasn't making enough progress in his care so I have to be sent to California but ignored him and walked out the office. 

I was taken back to the psychiatric hospital and it was decided that I would be transferred tomorrow morning to the best psych hospital in the US....


	5. Chapter 5

Mikeys POV:  
I couldn't sleep all night because I kept thinking about being transferred to a higher psych ward in fucking California, this has got to be the worst thing in my life I mean yeah I may be a little fucked up but not that bad that I have to be in a high security hospital. The sun was beginning to rise and I looked towards the clock and read the time as 5:44 I knew that Dr Hurley would be in at around 6:00 because he wanted to do a mental health assessment before my new psychiatrist Dr Gaskarth would be here to collect me and take me to California.

Soon enough I heard a knock at my door and entered Dr Hurley and took a seat next to my bed   
"Michael can we start this assessment because sooner we do then the quicker we finish and you can move to California" I faced away from him and he sighed but however he started the questions. After a painful hour of he assessment Dr Hurley said he would be giving Dr Gaskarth this assessment sheet so my new psychiatrist is updated on my condition. Dr Hurley left my room and soon Nurse Williams came and told me that my new psychiatrist was here to take me to California for an unknown amount of time so eventually I got out of bed and got dressed and made my way to the entrance since I didn't have anything to pack, when I got there a man with green hair and a short beard walked towards me "nice to meet you Michael I'm going to be your new psychiatrist Dr Gaskarth" I nodded in his direction and noticed that Dr Trohman was standing behind Dr Gaskarth with a brief case he smiled at me and I quickly walked up to him to ask what he was doing and he told me that my care team thinks it would be best to keep him as my therapist as he is the only person I actually open up to confidently. I was shocked with excitement and now I had a little more enthusiasm to go to California. 

Hours later we had arrived in California and we got to the psych hospital, i was guided to the entrance with Dr Trohmans hand placed gently on my shoulder and me, my therapist and my new psychiatrist walked through the glass doors into a pure white entrance hall however before we could walk any further into the hospital we were stopped by a tough looking security guard asking for our names and reason for entering, after we were finally let into the building we where led to an office that had a plaque stating 'Dr Alex Gaskarth - Head Psychiatrist'. Dr Gaskarth led me and Dr Trohman into the office and closed the door i was shaking while under the stare of both Doctors and i was anxious that they were already psycho analysing me, finally after about 10 minutes Dr Gaskarth spoke up "So Joe i will show you to your office in a moment i just wanted to ask Michael something" he was interrupted by Dr Trohman correcting him "please call him Mikey it makes him feel far more comfortable and is more likely to open up to you" Dr Gaskarth nodded his head acknowledging what my therapist had said, "so Mikey you do understand why you had to be transferred don't you ?" he questioned and i nodded slightly while shaking uncontrollably, "alright then and now I'll show you to your room and Joe I'll show you to your office." we all nodded and walked out of the office. 

After Dr Trohman had been shown to his office he was left alone to unpack his things Dr Gaskarth soon showed me to my new room I hesitantly stepped inside and sat on the bed, my new Psychiatrist sat down next to me "I would like to go through your schedule with you is that alright?" he questioned and I nodded,

"Firstly breakfast is at 8:00am, Lunch is at 1:00pm and finally Dinner at 6:00pm you are expected to be there on time and failing to do so will lead to trouble, you will have a new nutritionist coming in soon to meet you his name is Dr Merrick and he will discuss your dietary requiments with you when he arrives, your therapy appiontments with Dr Trohman will be 3 times a week on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 3pm until 4pm and you will meet with me once a week so i can keep track of your medications, and you will see Dr Merrick once a week to monitor your weight. Fighting with Staff and other patients is unacceptable however if it does occur then you will be sent to me so i can see if the medication is having that affect, visting hous are on saturdays from 3pm until 5pm and finally lights out is at 10pm, you understand all that ive just said?" I couldn't do anything but nod and Dr Gasakrth placed a hand on my shoulder and turned to me "you'll be fine Mikey just dont stress over anything if you do need to speak to someone anytime of the day go to the Nurses station and ask for me, if you want to speak to Dr Trohman find me and i'll figure out where he is okay?" I was shocked that he was actualy being so nice to me so I smiled softly and with that Dr Gaskarth soon left and told me to get some sleep as it was almost 9:30pm so thats what i did i fell into a much needed sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Mikeys POV:  
I was woken up by my new day carer, Nurse Colby, at 7:30 to get me up for breakfast when she showed me to a table in the cafeteria a noticed another person at the table dressed in a Doctors uniform with a badge stating 'Dr Zack Merrick'. For a moment I was unsure who he was and why I had been brought to this table but quickly realised and remembered that Dr Gaskarth said I would be getting a new nutritionist today, he gestured to the seat next to him for me to sit so I did. "Hello Michael I am your new nutritionist Dr Zack Merrick" he offered his hand for me to shake but I ignored him and he sighs an walks over to Nurse Colby who is by the breakfast queue waiting to pick up my food, they exchange whispers and a couples of glances at me and Nurse Colby walks off out of the cafeteria and Dr Merrick makes his way to the front of the queue and gets my food before heading back over me.  
When he sets the tray of food in front of me and I portray a small smile at the fact that my new nutritionist has allowed me to have a green apple, he soon sits besides me with a piece of toast for himself and I feel sick to my stomach when I see the butter dripping off it, I look down at my breakfast and see a similar piece of toast covered in fatty butter, bacon, eggs and a large glass of pure orange juice along with the green apple I let out a shaky breath and don't make an effort to pick up the food however Dr Merrick soon notices this and speaks up "hey you gonna eat" I don't give him any kind of response because quite frankly I don't know the answer so he attempts again "what about if I cut your apple up and you just have one slice, I got a green one specially for you" this time I looked at him and smiled I was shocked at how nice he was being compared to Dr Stump so I nodded to him and he left to go get a knife from the kitchen when he returned he had a sharp knife and a plate to cut the apple on.   
I looked at the knife and couldn't look away it had been so long since I had self-harmed and I instantly got the urge to get up and grab it out of his hand but I knew that was not a good idea however I needed the release, my hands clenched under the table turning my knuckles white Dr Merrick noticed something was wrong and just asked if I was okay and I just gave him a simple nod however before he sat down he placed the knife on the table next to me and I couldn't resist so I quickly picked it up and sprinted out of the cafeteria and into my bathroom locking the door.  
I placed the knife against my wrist feeling the cold metal and apply pressure quickly dragging it across my already scarred skin, I hear footsteps approaching and then banging on my door. "Mikey can you open the door please" I recognised that voice as Dr Gaskarth but I didn't move to open the door instead I made another slash on my wrist I yelped out in pain and the noise outside went quite until a soft knock on the door came "Mikey I know you don't want to open the door to us but please just let me in, if you open the door I will come in very quickly and lock it behind me again if that would make u comfortable" spoke Dr Trohman softly however I whimpered loudly as my anxiety began to kick in and begun to shake uncontrollably but I was soon calm by feeling the presence of my therapists arms around me while my psychiatrist stood before me with a needle in his hand however it had not been used.   
When I fully calmed down I was led towards the first-aid room where Nurse Colby was getting medical equipment out of the cupboard, I was told to sit on the bed and let Nurse Colby do what she needed to do however I was uncomfortable through the whole process as Dr Merrick, Dr Gaskarth and Dr Trohman where all there as well whispering to each other but then I hear Dr Gaskarth shout at Dr Merrick and they both walked out the room having anger eched on there face just as Nurse Colby was finished.  
I looked up at Dr Trohman with a guilt expression and tears came to the surface of my eyes. "Alright how about we go to my office or your room If you prefer and have a little talk nothing heavy I promise" my therapist spoke softly I nodded and muttered "my room" and he smiled at that however when we approached the door so we could leave we heard some people having an argument down the hall way, "I know Zack I know but you have to be careful around him we all have to, he is highly suicidal, depressed and anxious plus he didn't self-harm for weeks because no-one gave him the opportunity to do it, so when you placed the knife next to him he jumped at the opportunity to cut himself, which as your boss I could fire you right now for your incompetence towards your job !!!" Dr Gasakrth screams at Dr Merrick. " Look Alex I'm sorry I really am I was trying to make him comfortable by being nice towards him because it's in his file that he is extremely anxious in new surrounding and new people so I offered to cut his apple so it was easier for him to actually eat something because as you obviously know he is here for a eating disorder as well but yeah I'm sorry and it wont happen again with any of my patients".  
Dr Trohman opened the door finally and we walk out and begin heading to my room however Dr Gaskarth stops us and asks my therapist if he can speak to me instead and he complies as he is his boss as well, I'm taken to my psychiatrists office and he tries to speak to me but I don't reply because I only feel comfortable talking to Dr Trohman right now, he comes over to me and crouches in front placing a hand on my shaking leg but I flinch away not wanting him to hurt me. "Hey Mikey could you speak to me please, I need to know personal details so your care team can help you the best they can alright?" I shook my head and stuttered out "Dr Troh-m-ma-nn now-w ple-a-sse" but this time it is his turn to shake his head "you can't just speak to him all the time, you've got to speak to me right now not him okay?" I mean I understand why I've got to talk to him after all he is the main Doctor in change of my recovery plan. So I nod and began to tell him everything from the first cut I made to the last so far and about suicidal plans are still there and I can't eat anything because I'm fat....

**Author's Note:**

> New work


End file.
